Crawling
by Cloud Albatou
Summary: What if the sweet innocent Yuugi had more to hide then you ever knew? What if his Yami wasn't the rightouse kind Yami you thought? What if it was all a mask?
1. Crawling

A.n.-Though I'm a Ryou-chan and Malik-chan fan to the core I was listening to this song and I've seen a few song fics by it but they've always starred Ryou-chan, not that I mind of course ^_^hehe. Neways...I wondered...what if Yuugi's guiltless smile hide something just like Ryou-chan. What if the Pharaoh everyone adores, is really just as dark and twisted as the other Yamis' review onegai^_~  
  
Dedication-To everyone who knows just what a smile can hide.  
  
  
Disclaimer-I do not own Yugioh or this song "Crawling" by Linkin Park.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall...confusing what is real~  
  
~There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming...confusing   
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending  
Controlling...I can't seem to find myself again  
My walls are closing in~  
  
The sky was an ominous gray, threatening in its silent anger to us mere mortals beneath its eternal gaze. Lightening flashed, followed by thunder and I trembled slightly. I was free tonight...or was I? He hadn't said much today...but then he never does. Always silent and broadening, his power and silent commands simmering through my very veins.   
  
I can?t deny him anything. I know that. He knows that. I tried once, way back when we were in Duelist Kingdom when he tried to kill Kaiba-san over a simple duel. I failed then. And I'd fail in trying again. And I have a feeling I'd been in for a far more harsher punishment then that I endured then.   
  
He overcame my will with pathetic ease. Though I suppose that shouldn't surprise me. Strength has never been one of my finer points in life. Books? Yes. School? Hah, of course. Duel Monsters? Though I wish I'd never picked up my deck, I can give anyone a run for their money. But will? Hahaha, we Hikaris never had much of that when it came to our darker halves.   
  
Look at poor white haired Ryou. At least his Yami is obvious about his feelings toward him, forcing him to separate himself from all of us. Always plotting behind the innocent boy's eyes to steal my puzzle. I do not fight to protect the golden object simply because of the spirit that lies inside. Hell, I'd give it up if it weren't for the simple fact that being without him for one second kills me.   
  
It hurts being a half, half a person...half a soul. You can't imagine how it feels, no one can. Maybe that's why I try to protect him, maybe that's why I keep of this facade...I don't know...I don't know anything anymore. Its hard to think, hard to do anything. I almost wish that he would hit me, beat me as all my so-called "friends" believe Ryou's Yami hurts him.   
  
Maybe then they would see. See the painful truth that while my Yami may pretend to be my all-time protector and battler against those who would destroy the world...he's no different from them.   
  
They would all abandon me if they knew...the same way they've abandoned Ryou and even Malik before they got to know him. The simple fact is that they're afraid...afraid of even the lighter halves of the darkness that would destroy them without a second thought. Perhaps it's wrong for me to judge them so. After all, with my situation I've no right to be hypocritical.  
  
The simple fact is that we all run from what we don't understand, from what we cannot even fathom. My Yami is just as evil as Ryou and Malik's...he just hides it better. While the former two run about causing havoc and laughing madly as they see a mortals blood run over their flesh...mine doesn't.  
  
Gods, I nearly wish he would. If only so they would see...so they'd stop always siding with him. I love them dearly so...I smile...I smile and smile until my face wants to crack and I want to scream and rant...But I cannot do that. I would lose them then...and as false as I know all of our friendship truly is, I don't want to lose it.  
  
Jounouchi-kun...he's so loyal, with a heart of gold but even he would turn away if he knew what my Yami's proclamations of protecting him and the rest of the world were. If he knew all the real reasons that my Yami constantly helped him a duel... But he doesn't...no one does. My Yami misses the old days...the days when he had ruled supreme on his thrown over thousands...if he had half a chance he would turn the whole world back to all of that...I know he would.  
  
I was hyperventilating, the taste of copper on my tongue. My mind was aching. Yami loved to stay out for hours and hours in a physical form...just to torment me...because it drew on my energy when he didn't support himself--which he rarely did I might add. I curled up tightly on my bed, gritting my teeth together.  
  
The walls of my room seemed to be closing in on me, suffocating me. The ceiling swooped down, the walls drawing in quickly to squish me. The air...so heavy...so hard to breathe...droplets of sweat running through my flesh. Pain. Fear. That?s all I knew, all I needed to know any more. Why think of safety and comfort? They were all illusions. Each one waiting to be cracked...by that darkness that lives in your mind...just waiting to be given life. For you to give him that eternal kiss that brings him into being...binding him to you longer then forever.  
  
I squeezed my eyes shut tight, hating the blackness that engulfed me at the action but not wanting to face the ever closing walls of my bedroom any longer then I had to. Maybe I was crazy. Crazy just like Malik's Yami...I don't know...My chest was heaving up and down, tears were running down my cheeks. A howl of anguish was trying to fight its way up.   
  
Breathe...breathe...breathe...in and out....in and out...shhh....calm...calm...the shifting ocean...calm...calm like the ocean.....  
  
I sobbed out loud, burying my face in my pillow...its not working like those books said it would. Breathe... yes breathe...the walls are receding slowly...slowly...the air isn't so heavy right? Its all in my head... all in my head...all in my head...   
  
I opened my eyes slowly, my eyes burning at the tears that fell down. Tch, it actually worked...everything looks somewhat normal...for the moment...'til he returns from his nightly outing. I cringed, tightening my arms around my legs as I sank into a fetal position.  
  
~Without a sense of confidence  
I'm convinced there's just too much pressure to take  
I've felt this way before...so insecure~  
  
~Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall...confusing what is real~  
  
~Discomfort as endlessly pulled itself upon me  
Distracting...reacting  
Against my will I stand beside my reflection  
It's haunting how I can't seem to find myself again  
My walls are closing in~  
  
People often mistake he and I for twins or brothers...even my own Grandfather often can't tell the difference between us. It shocks me how they don't know me well enough that they can't tell between my darkness and I. Ryou can...so can Malik. Easily they always know which one of us is in control... it's the same with me.   
  
My "friends" can never tell. Many a time Yami Bakura has walked through the streets of Domino with us wearing his lighter halves smile and cheery voice...and they believed it was him. Never even considered that those eyes that seemed to look at them with such sincerity were hideing such evil...such cold icy uncareing that it would chill them to the bone to ever comprehend. Maybe it's got something to do with being a Hikari...or maybe they are simply blind.  
  
I hate them sometimes. Hate them because they can't see what we Hikaris have to live with day after day...after day. They say I'm so lucky, to have a guardian like Yami...to be such a Duelist with a kind Grandfather, they say my life would be bliss if not for those constantly trying to steal my Puzzle.   
  
I laughed out loud at the irony. Laughed long and hard. I stopped abruptly. Was that laughter Yami's or mine? No....nononono...I was safe for now...right? Yes...Yes...safe...safe...  
  
They didn't know that I would trade everything...*EVERYTHING* I have right now...every blasted piece of it if I just...never had to know him...that my finger caressed those golden puzzle pieces...that I had never ever tried to put it together. I doubled over suddenly in pain, every muscle in my body becoming tight with the agony that ripped through the very core of my being.   
  
It hurt...it hurt so much...  
  
Then...suddenly...I was in another room. Filled with river of toys over toys...the doorway swung open and a figure I knew so very well stood there...I wanted to cry...scream...but I didn't...or maybe couldn't. I leaned against the brightly colored wall. Shutting my eyes tight. Safe...Safe in here...he can't enter my Soul Room without permission...without my saying so...right? Yes...he can't...breathe...breathe Yuugi...your fine...just breathe...  
  
/Hikari...Hikari.../  
  
His voice murmured around me, so compelling...filled with such *longing*. My eyes opened without my permission. He knows I can't resist when he fills my name with that sort of emotion...as though he simply will die if I don't come near...I want to run...I want to run away...far from this dark presence that has stained my very soul...but I can't...I'm chained to him forever...and the harder I try to run away from him...the faster I run straight to him...he's like a deadly drug...that's so very addictive...with so many penalties from a single touch.   
  
//Come in...Yami//  
  
I sent, my heart screaming in rage at me for doing that...for allowing him entrance *here* of all places. My soul room...one of the last places I could hold sacred...while he has ransacked my every memory, stripped me of every privacy I have, he has never entered here...until now. Even this has been yanked from me...because of my own weakness...my own stupid weakness...  
  
His stood in front of me, his hands running through my hair and down my face. I hate it when he does that. Treats me like a china doll, just before the pain comes. Just before he takes me, makes me want what I don't. Hate it...hate it...hate it...gods, did being a Pharaoh make him this good of a kisser or was he simply *born* this way?   
  
I blinked, and I was suddenly back in my own body; the pain was gone and that ageless presence in my mind was silent...for once. I almost felt like a normal kid. He likes to do that sometimes. Give me a feeling of normality before yanking it away. Likes to burn all my securities to ash, so all I'm left with is him...this nightmare that always follows me...that will always be there no matter what I may wish or desire.  
  
I rose slowly and walked down the hallway to the bathroom. I shut and locked the door with a trembling hand. Jii-chan was off on a business trip...leaving me alone with what he thought to be a mostly benevolent spirit...oh how he has fooled them all. Even me for a time. But I knew his true nature...how could I not?  
  
He lives in my mind, joined to my very soul...I know him so well, and I don't know him really at all. He can be menacing, he can be cruel, and lord knows he can make himself appear like some sort of kind protective spirit in public...but they never see him like I do...they can't...it would kill them to know that their precious protector they look up like some sort of Kami is the same as the other Yamis'. Same desire to rule and conquest the world.   
  
What better way to do it then to gain the trust of most of them...make them weak before the final strike that leaves them paralyzed? At least Ryou's Yami is completely forthright with his intentions. At least he lets everyone know that he wants all the Items and their powers...mine hides in the shadows waiting for a moment to strike at that mystical power. Just waiting for the right moment...  
  
And I can't say a word...who would truly believe me? And what extremes would he go to if I told....?  
  
/You know the answer to that chibi Hikari../  
  
His voice growled in my mind...trickling through me like water...eroding all my confidence, all my pride, everything away in but an instant.   
  
//H...Hai...//  
  
He wouldn't kill me, oh no...that would be far to generous an end...besides, kill me and he ends up back in the puzzle...no too wise, ne? Oh...death...I think about that often...and Kami knows I'd try that way out if I wasn't so afraid...not of what lays beyond...but of what he would do when I failed...and I fail I would...I'm to weak to ever dream of overcoming him...   
  
~Without a sense of confidence  
I'm convinced there?s just too much pressure to take  
I've felt this way before...so insecure~  
  
~Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall...confusing what is real~  
  
~Crawling in my skin  
These wounds they will not heal  
Fear is how I fall...confusing, confusing what is  
real~  
  
He's always there...  
  
Just beneath the surface of me...always waiting, always listening...always there. He's never struck me physically...on the outside, that'd be obvious to anyone...wouldn't want to give him away just yet after all. I looked timidly into the large mirror before me. A pair of crimson eyes stared right back, glinting and laughing like cold metal. Mocking me with their strength, their eternal fire.   
  
Anger I couldn't bear struck through me like lightning. Snarling rage I punched the mirror as hard as I could. It cracked instantly, my knuckles bruised and bleeding. Split images of his eyes stared back at me, still laughing at my pitiful attempt. I felt something pull inside me and there he was again.   
  
"Tsk, Tsk...my Hikari, you should be more careful.."  
  
He cradled my hand in his for a minute, his slender fingers deliberately pressing some of the glass farther in. I wrenched my hand from his grasp, mewling in pain as I cradled the throbbing limp against my chest.  
  
"I hate you...I hate you...I HATE YOU!" I chanted, screaming the words as tears rained down my cheeks like so much carelessly spilled blood.  
  
He chuckled darkly at me, "Don't say things you don't mean, Hikari. You can't live without me. And besides...what would your little friends say if they heard 'perfect innocent little Yuugi' talking like that? You think they would stay with you if I didn't play this little game? You think they wouldn't avoid you like they do the Tomb Robber's Hikari?"  
  
I trembled at his words...because it was true. It was. They didn't know how they'd betrayed me by allying themselves with my darker half. By favoring him they could never hold room in their hearts for me...who ever would? Who would ever know the truth that laid beneath my Yami's facade?  
  
He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me effortlessly up. I'm so afraid...so afraid mostly of him. I hate him...I hate him *so* much...and damn him to the eternal fire he's made me love him too...even though I know I'm just a toy...just a little toy for him to play with and destroy when it suited him...just a broken little toy that once he was done with their would be nothing left of the once smiling boy that had once been....  
  
~There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming...  
Confusing what is real   
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending  
Controlling...~  
  
~Confusing what is real~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.n.-Don't know where this came from...guess I just had the urge...hope ya liked it though^_^. This is just a one-shot...but if ya'all want/review...I may add another chapter features Yuugi's Yami's (Yugioh as I refer to him) thoughts on this...so...review onegai^_^. 


	2. Just Got Wicked

A.n.-WOW! ^_^ I'm so surprised n' happy I got such a response for this fic^_^ ^_^Ty all very much!!^_^ I'm very flattered that ya'all like it so much^_^.   
  
Disclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or this song "Just Got Wicked" by Cold.   
  
Dedication-R Amythest, Marsdemon, Ty, Green Eyes Silver Dragon, Rox1, Rutu, Hikari no Yami, Aznsilhouette247, Rosz of the Angel, Kiyoko-Chan, Agentpudge, Angstlover, lilandriss, Neko-baka-chan-chan, Naruna Motou, KaTyA,AndreAlaRae, Holo, Indigo Tantarian, and ExBobble06. THANK YOU EVERYONE! YOUR REVIEWS WERE EXTREMELY SUPPORTIVE!^_^ *Throws you all chibi Ryou-chan, Malik-chan, 'n' Yuugi-chan plushies 'n' candy*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~I can taste your innocence   
  
Young and sweet like mother made you  
  
Everything froze into ice   
  
These motherfuckers just got wicked~  
  
~I can't, can't explain this little man   
  
Taking over  
  
Can't explain the way that I feel~  
  
~Well I can't explain this little man  
  
Taking over  
  
Can't explain the way that I feel~  
  
Purity is meant to be tarnished.   
  
It has no real placement in this world. Light is meant to be corrupted, what else would our role as Yamis be for? Sure, they are the very reason that we are aloud to exist. But the instant those foolish little hikaris dared to release us, we are eternally bound to them whether pure or not. Just look at that sociopath Mariku's Hikari. He's not so innocent, if you haven't noticed. Cracked, broken, and torn in so many ways that his humanity is buried deep down inside, too far to ever really be reached except by one who knows his pain. Ironic.   
  
I laughed loudly, racing through the chilly night of Domino as I did. The shadows of the night surrounded me, wrapping me in their cold embrace. I loved it. The air burned in my lungs, my heart drummed in my chest just as my blood simmered beneath my veins like liquid fire. This is Yuugi's gift to me. The gift of solidness. The gift of life once more in this world. To crush it in my hands, to destroy it at will or conquest. I prefer the latter.   
  
I laughed again, its mocking tone surrounded me and filled the streets with the promise of my reign. Stupid commoners, they're worse then they were back in my own time. A few pretty words, a few "noble" deeds, and you're in their good graces, walking the streets as they all stare in admiration instead of fear. Delicious.  
  
And they don't know! Hahaha...they really don't know do they? They don't know the real reason why I play the form of the righteous Yami, eternal protector of the world from the Shadow Games...the real reason why I want the Sennen Items. Ohh...they are such fools! Idiotic sheep following me as I lead them to the slaughter house. Fulfilling my every whim because they believe I will 'save' them. Hilarious!  
  
Why run about like that Tomb Robber 'n' his psycho companion drawing attention as they openly announce their motives and how far they'll go for it? Why do all of that, when if you just play like you're a 'good' and 'kind and generous' Yami and have all of it thrown at your feet in the end? Why try to reach something negatively, when if you stroke the mortal's egos they end up getting it for you.  
  
The Soul Stealer is good at that. He hides behind his Hikari's face all the time, plotting behind those innocent, doe-like eyes to steal my puzzle. Like Yuugi's little friends would ever let that happen. After all, it would tear poor little naive Yuugi apart to lose his great protector. Hahahaha! It's so freakin' funny! They really have no idea. When the time comes, this world will be mine in every way. I will rule again as Pharaoh and all my former powers will be restored. And all thanks to those baka sheep that do whatever I tell them.   
  
I wasn't the renowned Game King for anything. And what is all this but a game? And like it or not I will be the victor of it all. I am a master at strategy, and to win this duel that is all I need. That and patience, and if nothing else I do have a lot of that. The Tomb Robber isn't stupid, not like all the others. He knows what I'm doing, and I know he thinks it's as funny as I do that they do everything I want. How they all bow at my feet.   
  
Back then, I made mistakes. I became too absorbed in my powers; let the Shadow Games venture out of my control. Then that baka Seto had to go and screw things up by rising up against me. He knew then what that Tomb Robber knows now. Just how much I wanted to rule the world, how much I loved blood, suffering, and hate.   
  
He tried to wrestle power from me then, trying to save the world from the chaos I would bring down upon it. Of course, history recorded things far different from what really happened; just who was the hero and who was the villain. Which worked to my advantage, of course. Everything usually does in the end.   
  
I have all my memories, though I've led everyone to believe different. What more perfect stage setting then saying I need the Items to reclaim my memories? Of course, they've never thought about what I will really do when I have all the Sennen Items under my command. And that's fine and well because they are just sheep, mere props in this grand play of mine. Let them have their ignorance, even if it won't save them in the end.   
  
~Everyone got twisted up  
  
Everyone got behind my back and broke it  
  
'Cause it's my world~  
  
~Everyone got twisted up  
  
Everyone got behind my back and broke it  
  
'Cause it's my world~  
  
~Everyone got behind my back and broke it  
  
'Cause it's my world  
  
Everyone got behind my back and broke it  
  
'Cause it's my world~  
  
The truth of the matter was, I wasn't a good Pharaoh...at least, not in the way they think. My people were well fed, they had work and all...but what about what went behind the scenes? About all the bloody wars I triumphed in? About all the poor saps I executed in gruesome ways for far less then treason? Hahaha...I love these humans at times. They're so predictable. Of course, all that was written down was the 'good' things about me.   
  
After all, I was the Pharaoh...like I'd want all my descendents to know every little thing I did. Besides, my Seer even foretold that one day, the distant future would play a large part in my destiny. In her dying breath, seconds before I'd killed her for collaborating with Seto, that all that I had done now would reflect on my in the future. And I'd pay for all the heinous acts I had committed. Ah, how wrong you were my little Seer. I've paid for nothing, because I did nothing wrong. The world is rightly mine, my personal playground to do what I wish with.  
  
Ah, but those thousands of years in captivity within those shattered puzzle pieces...they were worse then any torment Osiris could have granted. Darkness. Pure unrelenting pain every moment. All I could do was feel, feel and feel the utter agony that ripped through my soul every second. Time held no real meaning for me, though. Pain was all I knew.  
  
My hatred only grew and simmered over the centuries. I had not meant for myself to be bound in the Puzzle. Not at all. The point had only been to seal the Tomb Robber, his companion and some of the powers of the Shadow Games. Not all, of course, the majority of them laid in me. But that bastard Seto managed to interfere at the last moment, before my guard skewered him, altering my spell so that I was trapped inside them as well. Even changed it so only a completely pure being could release me.   
  
Those that were loyal to me, they were few...but the Sennen Rod is truly a marvelous device you know, managed to get the Items into hiding before one my enemies tried to destroy them...thus shattering me. They did succeed though. The Puzzle was shattered not long after its arrival to the sanctuary.   
  
My prison hadn't been so bad then. Painful, yes, but not so bad I couldn't tolerate it. When it was shattered...Ra above, that was true pain. An agony even I hadn't been able to bestow to that Tomb Robber before I'd sealed him. Hehehe...that bastard deserved to be sealed though. That's what he gets for desecrating tombs and defying me as a God among men.   
  
And now, here I am. Walking once more in the world of mortal man with a new world ready to be seized at any moment. It will be mine, no matter who dares stand in my path. Funny how Yuugi's little friends never seem to care when I mind crush someone. Perhaps believing they were so evil they deserved to have their souls ripped from their bodies and crushed into oblivion.   
  
Or maybe they're just happy it's not them and that I'm on 'their' side.  
  
Fools. I'm on no one's side but my own. And I'll do anything to make sure I accomplish my goal. Nothing will stand in my way.   
  
~1, 2, 3, here I come with the wicked~  
  
~Well I can't explain this little man  
  
Taking over  
  
Can't explain the way that I feel~  
  
~Well I can't explain this little man  
  
Taking over  
  
Can't explain the way that I feel~  
  
~You're the love I never found~  
  
The only one who could possibly stop me in my quest is my own Hikari, and he is far too weak to even attempt trying it. I can't hurt him physically, at least not enough where it will leave a mark, because that may give me away to his companions. And as much as it makes me balk at the thought, I do need them for the moment. Need them to help me get all the Items. Jounouchi isn't that bad of a dueler, nowhere near my level but not too bad.   
  
Yuugi's mind is that of pure innocence, an innocence I'd love to crush in my hands. Just to see him bloodied and broken beneath my hands, whimpering in terror of all the darkness that dwells deep inside of me. I will protect him from others, if only because I need him to exist in this world until all the Items under my control, but also because he is so amusing.   
  
His tears taste like the sweetest candy, his eyes shine with something that was lost to me so long ago. I care about him; in the way a master does his favorite slave. And what else is he, but a slave? My slave, though...no one else's. I'll do worse then crush the soul of any other who dares to think other wise.   
  
He hates me, I know he does...but like it or not he does love me in a way. I've touched him in ways no other can ever dream of, I've dominated his mind so completely that he doesn't even know where he ends and I begin. And that's the way it's supposed to be. It's impossible for me to consider him an equal. Who could ever come close to being my equal anyway? Certainly not him.   
  
I understand him more then his idiotic 'friends' ever will. They don't know him, not really. They know the image he shows, they know me better then him. After all, I am the 'Game King once Pharaoh that protects them.' Haha...it's really funny. Everything in this world is so freakin' hilarious! So different from mine, but exactly the same in most areas.   
  
Sometimes though, I wonder...what would have happened back then in Ancient Egypt if I'd meet Yuugi then. If somehow, someway, he had been there. Would things have turned out different? Would I have turned so far into the deep night that is my soul? Who knows, in another life...maybe I could have loved him.  
  
Love. I sneered instantly at myself. Love is a lie. Love is a tool to control others, and if you fall into that abyss you give up control of yourself. Something I will never do. Besides, I like it this way. With him whimpering and crying beneath my hands, with those pure orbs just staring up at me with a submission born of fear and terror. It's amazing to have such control over a spirit so innocent. I plan to change that though, eventually. Sadly, hate and anger are things a Hikari doesn't really know. It's harder to change something so pure, but I will. And then, he will be perfect. A broken, twisted mirror bended to reflect my image. Delicious.  
  
I walked back toward my home. I could feel Yuugi through our link. He was sleeping, his mind for once empty of dreams. Guess I tired him out after our 'fun' when he punched the mirror. That was a surprising turn. Who'd of thought reflecting myself back at him would cause such a reaction. Hahaha.  
  
Stupid, pathetic little weakling wouldn't survive a minute out there in the real world. They'd crush him in an instant. And I want that pleasure to be mine and no one else's. For when completely broken, he will be in every way mine. And even with all his weakness, he does have a staggering amount of will not to be crumpled after being with me so long. And that's all fine and well. Prolonging this only makes it that much more fun.   
  
The lamb is blessed, as is the lion. So is the hunter. So Ra bless me in my future reign over this entire world...and...over Yuugi.  
  
~You're the love I never found~  
  
~Well I can't explain this little man  
  
Taking over  
  
Can't explain the way that I feel~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.n.-I hoped you all liked this^_^. I'm sorry it took so long to get out! But, I hope I did what image I was trying to give Yugioh justice. I wanted him to be evil, but not manically evil like our oh-so-loveable bishies Mariku 'n' Yami no Bakura!^_^ Hehe, review onegai :). I'm kinda thinking of doing a p.o.v. of the whole crew on their thoughts toward Yuugi n' Yugioh's relationship in this...if you all want me to...then I will...if you don't, then I'll leave it like this...so review onegai!^_^ 


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